I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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