Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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