dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
