you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
