Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
