Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Enjoy the penises
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize