She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
