She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
