maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
