Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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