You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
