I skipped work to stalk him.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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