I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
