I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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