after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize