Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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