I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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