the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
