he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
