You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
