Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
