bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
