we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I pour the whiskey from now on
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
