wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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