Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
