he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
