Kiss
Puke
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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