My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize