just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
