It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize