I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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