Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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