guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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