I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
