Will you blow on my dice?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
