i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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