he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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