My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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