If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize