dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
