I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
