You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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