I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
