Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
