bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
