The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
