then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
