you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
