I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
