It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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