I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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