i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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