Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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