A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
