going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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