Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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