i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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