p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
