Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
