we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
