I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
