Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize