I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
