He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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