mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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