Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
