these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
