counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
