are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
