wanna go halves on a baby?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
