Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
