i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
