My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
