Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i have herpe
just one?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize