Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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