omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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