How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize