Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
