just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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