to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
