At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
