Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
