Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
