Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
