I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
