Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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