i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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