I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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