I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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