Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm like, not good at living.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
