My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
