i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
