u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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