But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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