Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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