Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
