Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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