Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
