i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
