Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
