You don't have asthma, your pregnant
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
