I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize