The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
