if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
