you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
