wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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