She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We have started to decorate penises.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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